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Written by Mark Gregston
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Friday, 25 May 2007 |
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Word Count: 888 Troubled Teen - When to Take Action!
Accepting that your teen is spinning out of control is difficult for some
parents. Many just can’t acknowledge or recognize the severity of the problem.
Admittedly, it’s difficult to see the downward spiral. Friends, neighbors, and
those around you see it, and perhaps don’t know how to tell you. So, the first
step is to come to the realization yourself that your teen is indeed headed for
self-destruction.
Secondly, seek out some support. I believe that friends, family, neighbors, and
colleagues will agree with your decision to intervene in some way and encourage
you to do something. You will need this support as you take the next step.
The third step is the hard one -- to consider removing your teen from your home.
Most parents is this situation mention that they feel quite isolated, like
failures as parents, and even excommunicated. This step is painful but you
cannot let self-destructive behavior go on -- you have to act. You have to do
something on your child’s behalf.
Here are ten signs that your child may need placement outside of the home. If
your teenager demonstrates any 5 of these signs, you should act now to place them
in a program:
1. Your teen refuses to abide by anything you say or request, and his or her
resulting behaviors put your child or your family in danger or high risk leading
to constant fear or stress in the home.
2. Your teen is displaying behavior that is a marked change from what has been
normal (sleeping little or too long, forgetfulness, lack of motivation,
aggression, depression, anxiety, grades slipping, hating what they once loved or
loving what they once hated, always wanting to be with friends or away from
home, or avoiding friends altogether and spending too much time alone).
3. Your teen has become increasingly disrespectful, dishonest, disobedient and
openly displays rebellion, no longer veiling his or her feelings or caring about
the consequences.
4. There is a blatant ignorance or profound rebellion toward the boundaries,
Belief System or rules of the home. This can be shown in passive aggressiveness
or open defiance that is unusually excessive for your child.
5. There are outright or veiled threats of suicide, or self-mutilation/cutting,
excessive risk-taking, dangerous drug use or blatant sexual
promiscuity--seemingly a loss of a conscience or moral compass.
6. Treatment by your teen of people, pets, or belongings is threatening or out
of control.
7. Your teen thinks he or she is the center of your family and shows blatant
disregard for the feelings of other family members, their time or their
possessions.
8. Months of counseling is providing little or no positive progress for your
child.
9. Your teen refuses to do anything with the family and displays a growing
hatred for the family.
10. You cannot keep your teen away from peers who are obviously leading a
lifestyle counter to your beliefs and your child is buying into their
destructive behavior and attitudes.
If your teen needs temporary removal from the home, then by all means consider a
therapeutic boarding school. As a rule, however, unless a boarding school
indicates that their program is specifically for teens who are experiencing
difficulties in their adolescent years, then the school may not be suited for
troubled teens. In fact, such kids tend to quickly get kicked out of regular
boarding schools or they receive harsh treatment for misbehavior.
And beware of boarding schools that use harsh discipline or "Bible-beating" to
change behavior. Some of those programs can do more long-term harm than good.
A solid therapeutic program doesn't need to be long-term. Usually 9-12 months
will be long enough to bring about change. It depends on how quickly the teen
comes to the realization that they need to go all the way through the levels of
the program before their parents will bring them home again. As soon as they do,
they tend to get with the program.
It is imperative that the program have a professional counseling staff to work
with each resident in individual and group counseling sessions and a house staff
to work with them 24/7. Counselors should also update the parents on the
student's progress by phone at least once a week.
I recommend that you seek out a Christian boarding school that is loving and
relational, not forced or focused on breaking the child's spirit. It should be
designed to bring light to the child's heart and reveal and deal with their
struggles, not to crush their heart like some boot camps and wilderness programs
do.
A Christian boarding school with a therapeutic focus can help a teen find their
way back on the right track, and turn their lives around. Moreover, it can give
the teen a needed break from bad influences back at home or school and help the
teen learn to appreciate his or her family.
For more information on Christian boarding schools, please visit these websites:
http://www.christian-boarding-school.com
http://www.heartlightministries.org
Author: Mark Gregston
Mark Gregston is the bestselling author of "When Your Teen is Struggling" and
the host of the nationally syndicated radio program, Heartlight Radio. For more of Mark's tips,
visit his "Parent Tips" blog at
http://www.MarkGregston.com.
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